Friday, July 30, 2010

Engineers Explained

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.

Engineer Identification Test

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
  1. Straighten it.
  2. Ignore it.
  3. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

Social Skills

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

Fascination with Gadgets

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1)things that need to be fixed, and (2)things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

Fashion and Appearance

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

Love of "Star Trek"

Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms.

Dating and Social Life

Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.

Honesty

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.
"I won't change anything without asking you first." "I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job." "I'm not jealous of your new computer."

Frugality

Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"

Powers of Concentration

If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.

Risk

Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.

Examples of Bad Press for Engineers

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people. REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.
If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much."

Ego

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex--and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems."

At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
[Note - reportedly by Scott Adams - ed.]


Are you an engineer???

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Saturday, July 17, 2010

Intellectual property in Canada presentation - 2010-07-21

Dumitru Olariu has worked for more than 25 years with the Canadian Intellectual Property Office (CIPO) - An Agency of Industry Canada first as a Patent Examiner in Electrical Engineering, then as a Business Development Officer for Ontario. In his present capacity, Mr. Olariu helps people and organizations take advantage of CIPO's products and services, and the intellectual property (IP) system in general. His presentation will cover a quick overview of the main types of intellectual property in Canada, i.e. patents, trade-marks, industrial designs, copyrights, and integrated circuit topographies. The presentation will also cover the latest CIPO's products and initiatives, such as the publications "Stand out from your competitors - Make intellectual property your best business ally" and "What's in name? - Using trade-marks as business tools", and the initiatives called the "Bank of Speakers" and IP Case Studies.
Dumitru Olariu 
Business Development Officer | Agent développement des affaires
Canadian Intellectual Property Office | Office de la propriété intellectuelle du Canada
Industry Canada | Industrie Canada
880 Ouellette Avenue, Suite 603 Windsor ON N9A 1C7| 880, avenue Ouellette, suite 603 Windsor ON N9A 1C7
Dumitru.Olariu@ic.gc.ca
Telephone | Téléphone 519-971-2049
Facsimile | Télécopieur 519-791-0174
Teletypewriter | Téléimprimeur 1-866-694-8389
Government of Canada | Gouvernement du Canada
COST PENTRU PARTICIPARE: GRATUIT pentru membrii AREC, $10 pentru ne-membri
Ora 6:30 p.m., la KELK, 48 Lesmill Rd. (TORONTO, York Mills and Don Mills area - vezi harta)
Va asteptam cu drag,
Executivul AREC
Cum poti deveni membru AREC?
O cotizatie de doar $40 pe an iti da dreptul sa participi GRATUIT la TOATE activitatile AREC si sa beneficiezi de rate avantajoase la asigurarile de masina si casa prin TD Insurance Meloche-Monnex!!.
Apply for membership!

Centre of gravity theory for dominance of black sprinters and white swimmers

Scientists have tackled one of the taboos of modern sport and believe they have explained why black athletes sweep the medals in sprinting events, while white swimmers dominate in the pool.

Usain Bolt of Jamaica celebrates winning the men's 200m final of the athletics competition in the National Stadium at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games: Centre of gravity theory for dominance of black sprinters and white swimmers
Usain Bolt of Jamaica celebrates winning the men's 200m final of the athletics competition in the National Stadium at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games Photo: REUTERS

Profesorul roman Adrian Bejan ataca unul dintre tabu-urile sportului modern si impreuna cu colegul sau Dr. Edward Jones sunt increzatori ca au explicat de ce atletii negri poarta medaliile in competitiile de alergare, in timp ce inotatorii albi domina in bazinul de inot.

Read more here.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

User friendly and safe parking!!

Wöhr Multiparker 730

An underground public automatic car park with an amount of 404 parking spaces in total in the center of Budapest, Hungary.

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Here are a few quotes of inspiration and some food for thought about work and life ... CARPE DIEM (seize the day)

"Networking is more than meeting the right people. It's about connecting with their purpose and helping them achieve their goals. It's about connectin them with their success."

  • Craig Elias: Canada's Mr. Networking
  • "So you ask “what can I do to build confidence in myself”? Start by discovering who you are (your Personal Brand), which will allow you to understand what you need to do in order to gain this confidence you seek. Once discovered, it is all about repetition, through telling yourself that you are unique and “you have nothing to lose.” Saying this will help you be more outgoing, which translates into confidence."

  • Dan Schawbel
  • "Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives. Unfortunately most of us are completely unaware of this fact and we do not monitor our thoughts with the care needed so that we can create in our lives the results we say we want. Since the great majority of people do not feel worthy and deserving of abundant good fortune, radiant good health and total success in all areas of their lives that overriding thought pattern controls the results people get. The first order of business of anyone who wants to enjoy success in all areas of his or her life is to take charge of the internal dialogue they have and only think, say and behave in manner consistent with the results they truly desire. - Sidney Madwed

    "You cannot escape the results of your thoughts. Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain or rise with your thoughts, your vision, your ideal. You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration." - James Lane Allen

    "In football you always get judged on your last game. Whoever you are, or how amazing you are, it's the last game that everyone has seen." - Thierry Henry

    "80% of the stuff you get you are never going to need again. 20% you do need, and you need to prioritize its importance."

  • Julie Mahan
  • "It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project." - Napoleon Hill

    "The only thing that doesn't change is change itself." - Heraclitus (You can't step into the same river twice, the old Greek said, because the water keeps moving. - If you're clinging to your old reliable tools, you're not just standing still, you're actually moving backwards from the point of view of those who are moving on with the river of technological change.)

    "The secret of man's success resides in his insight into the moods of people, and his tact in dealing with them." - J. G. Holland

    "To put distance between you and your competition, you must become more VALUABLE... not just more PRODUCTIVE."

  • E. R. Haas
  • "When one door closes another door opens; but we do often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." - Alexander Graham Bell

    "Successful people are not necessary smarter than anyone else, they are simply more effective."

  • Ross Mackay
  • "You'll never achieve real success unless you like what you're doing."

  • Dale Carnegie